rebecca henretta | design » into « words

Columbo: kindly, sage, disheveled, indirect. So interpersonally astute he needs no CSI to solve crimes. He relies on being underestimated, historically a feminine strategy. He’s like the woman behind his own throne, but he’s a man, so he gets to be a detective. And indeed, a lovable one. I always root for him. Except for the episode “Lady in Waiting.” Then I rooted for his antagonist, who murders her brother, instead. I can’t tell if the direction, costume and set design are brilliant or hamhanded—are these the lost works of Cindy Sherman?

CINDY: LA LA LA LA LA… I can’t hear you, oppressor.

CINDY: I look childlike, pinched, and small. I am a total fun virgin.

CINDY: What do you mean, you’re literally above me?

CINDY: This bed is my gothic prison! The phone is cool though.

CINDY: This is my Mr. Hyde face.

CINDY: No wait, this is.

CINDY: “Huh?” isn’t good enough, brother.

CINDY: Bang bang, I’m the madwoman in the attic!

CINDY: I can’t stand this yellow wallpaper!

MOMMIE HATTEST: You’re a traitor to your sex!

CINDY: Watch this caterpillar…

CINDY: …turn into a sassy butterfly!

COLUMBO: My cigar will protect me.

… pause for business takeover…

CINDY: Looks like power has gone to my head.

CINDY: Sorry, Mommie Hattest, mine is bigger than yours.

CINDY: Now that I’m successful, you don’t love me anymore?

LESLIE NIELSEN: Your naked ambition is disgusting. Now get off me.

CINDY: Look at me now. My vices include whiskey, cigarettes and reading. Not to mention busting men’s balls.

COLUMBO: Hello? I hate to rain on your parade, but killing people is wrong, even if it totally transforms your life for the better.

CINDY: Sorry Columbo, I’m not just gonna lie back and take it, even from you, Peter Falk.

COLUMBO: Deep down I know you’re better than this. I can see your vulnerabilities through your nightgown.

CINDY: Whatever. Cut off my head and millions of women will spring up to take my place. Wait for the sequel, Zombie Fempocalypse. Guess what? You’re not in it.